were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
