Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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