he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
