what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I only lived at night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
