Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
