ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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