Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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