He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
