The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
