Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think my moral compass just broke
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
