We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
