Do you still have your period?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
