just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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