I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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