Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
