eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize