so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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