he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
