I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
