Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
