I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
