Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
