Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
