I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
