3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
