Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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