Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
