So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
