I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize