Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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