I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Two words: nipple clamps
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