I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
