don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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