Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize