He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
