This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
