no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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