Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
