Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
