so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
