pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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