Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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