Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
