I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize