YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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