I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
