And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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