The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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