i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
handjob tips. give me some.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
false alarm, still single
Randomize
