I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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