I don't usually arrange sex via text message
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
