how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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