Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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