I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
