feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Im part way to drunk.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
