Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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