It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
