i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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