i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
