Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
