So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
