He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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