They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
