I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Vodka?
Forever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
