Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
