My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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