I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just invented taco cereal.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
