i already hear my dad disowning me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
