please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
