do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
