At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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