I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
