One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
