so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize