no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
