I smell stomach acid.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize