its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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