On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
