it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
