Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
