Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
