i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
