it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
