I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
