I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
