chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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