I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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