I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
