It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
