I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
