hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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