Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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