the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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