dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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