I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
