Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I looked at my own cervix.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
