I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
