Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
