Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't think brook has ever known best
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
