Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
