she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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